Despondency is defined as a loss of spirit or courage. Feeling disconnected from source. The light at the end of that tunnel has been switched off. Hope evaporates. People can let you down.
It is only natural to sink into despair. Our souls are weary from holding space for those that are not worthy. We literally feel as if the well has run dry & we literally have nothing left to give. A friend in the midst of this heaviness once said to me , “Fiona I’m so ready to go home to spirit, if I didn’t wake tomorrow I would be ok with that”. This person had absolutely no intention of taking their life for one second, they were verbalising how physically, emotions & spiritually exhausted they felt.
When you are despondent your energy is spent. Your motivation has left you.
Sometimes illness enters as you have spent so long pleasing everyone else & ignoring the warning signs your body had been sending you.
Your health that you once took for granted has now become your single greatest struggle. You find out who is there for you pretty fast, when you no longer have the strength or energy to people please. Those that leave you in your hour of need, are not your friends. This might be painful to hear but takers will always take. It’s not a two way source of exchange, hence your energy being consistently drained. If you have been projecting a sense of integrity on to those that lack this virtue, is it any wonder you are completely exhausted?
A rage can fill your body.
A pulsating, visceral destructive force that wants to lash out at the source of your pain. When you internalise anger, the body stores it & it will manifest as a form of dis-ease within the body. I’ve had countless amounts of client’s sit in front of me with mystery diagnosis where their bloods / x-rays / tests came back clear, yet they were physically ill. In most cases the client had endured some grief / heartbreak / trauma that had been repressed as they were too busy to deal with it at the time, only to manifest years later. Toxic pain can squat in your body like a toad & Spread its poisonous bile into your thoughts, hopes & dreams.
You start to become pessimistic, sarcastic & wary of people. You no longer believe in the goodness or kindness of strangers. Everybody has an angle or agenda. Sadly, that is what you will start to attract in your life, hence reinforcing your twisted belief system even further.
You need to distance yourself from the source of your pain. If it is family, go no contact to dissolve the raw emotion. If it is a child / teenager causing the issues contact the appropriate support systems & seek professional help.
It is time to stop running and listen to your body.
Destructive cycles of comfort eating / smoking / drinking / impulse buying / hoarding are the dysfunctional defence mechanisms that you revert to when trying to hide from yourself.
We can sink into victimhood with its twin sisters blame & Shame’s endless background commentary running inside our heads.
Happiness is a choice.
You have to fight for it.
When your body is heavy with sorrow & your soul is weary you need to be even more loving with yourself. It’s time to check in with yourself.
If you’ve suffered a betrayal and feel completely alone, know this time is transitory. It shall not last. You need time out to rebuild & restore the soul. You can’t do that with folks still pulling out of your energy.
You need to forgive yourself for putting up with so much crap for so long instead of ridiculing yourself at your “stupidity” for believing in intrinsic values of love, trust & respect. Remember the heart simply wants to be loved. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be seen.
It’s time to make peace with yourself.
This graveyard of despair holds no solace for you. There is no comfort to be found clinging to the bones of old relationships, family or friends that have abandoned you. Cherish the good & learn from the bad.
Even if it’s simply making your bed and going for a walk. It’s a step toward self care that’s important.
Start to incorporate fun into your life. Play your music. Dance. Watch a favourite film. Reconnect with old friends. Take up a hobby & meet new people.
You will start to fill up inside once more. The more time you invest on yourself , the more the universe will find people & situations that will fill you up even more.
You need to let that shit go.
Now is as good a time as any……..
©Fiona Ní Mhuirri
Gossip is juicy.It falsely elevates us to a social standing above the target in question. “I mean her windows haven’t been washed in over a month…..how can she see out of them!”
It’s intention is to direct scorn & shame upon an individual.
The valley of the squinting windows is alive and well today, and as a woman there is a hierarchy we are all too aware of in our local village/ town.
Gossip contains needles of spite.
True, you may be sick of the fact your Neighbour’s garden is in a hoop, but did you stop to think what’s going on with your neighbour? Has there been a recent bereavement, is there mental health issues? Sometimes it can be personal issues in someone’s life & the exterior mirrors the emotional chaos in your Neighbour’s life.
What if you offered to mow their lawn? Would the world fall off its’ axis? (And don’t use that as another opportunity to gossip ffs!)
Gossip has its uses. At a grassroots levels it raises awareness & keeps us connected to our communities. We are aware of the helpers as well as the bad apples so to speak.
At a toxic level, it can isolate & intimidate. An example of this were the Magdalene laundry’s where entire communities were complacent in the shaming & subsequent institutionalizing of so called “fallen” women.
The Salem witch trials fell foul under the fear & repression of being singled out as different from your community. We pass the blame from one to another, desperately trying to avoid the unforgiving gaze of our peers.
(Someone should be ringing a bell, shouting SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!)
Instead of standing up and saying,
You’re very pass remarkable….
I don’t pass on Gossip…
If I don’t hear it I can’t say it!
Gossip needs Oxegen. It cannot survive without a carrier. So in essence being an ‘innocent’ bystander makes you complicit. You are complicit in standing there while someone’s character is being slandered. In my opinion that’s makes you just as bad as the actual gossip. Next time you’re about to partake in the “who didn’t put there bins out today” rant or “her curtains are still drawn at 10 am” hiss…
Think about the energy you are redirecting toward yourself.
You passive aggressives are the worst. Smiling & offering help, then telling anyone who will listen how helpful you were…
He who gossips to you will gossip about you.
There is an old Buddhist story of two monks……
They had taken a vow of silence , celibacy (no contact whatsoever with women) & poverty. They lived a simple life & were on their way to a temple in another village to pay respects to a visiting holy man.
As they came to the outskirts of their village, there path was blocked by the river. The recent monsoon had raised the water levels, crossing it took skill & sure footedness.
There was a woman in distress at the banks, for she had tried and failed to cross several times.
One of the monks, without saying anything. Picked up the woman and carried her safely across to the other side, where he gently put her down & continued on his way to the monastery.
The other monk was furious.
They continued on in silence, but with each step the monk’s frustration grew until he could no longer stand it, he blurted out”
Why did you do it? You know we are forbidden to have any contact with women?”
The other monk looked at him and spoke” all I did was carry her to the other side, you’ve been carrying her ever since….”
To put it simply..
MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!!!!
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
This weather has brought all of us outdoors. Some of us get our Green fingers on, some folk indulge in a bit of D.I.Y. And others relax in the heavenly rays.
The sound of children playing & lawnmowers humming has become background music at this point.
I’ve had great chats with my neighbors, as my nightly ritual of me pottering with my watering can has led to spontaneous conversations.
Since I’ve taken the summer off evening Sittings, I’m no longer rushing to get ready for clients etc.
The phone had crept back into the bed room & is now been relegated to the kitchen at night. My trusty analogue alarm clock stepping up once more.
I witnessed an individual recently that was so obsessed with their phone, they were disengaging from the conversation in front of them & were more preoccupied with updating their social media. That used to be me!
I would’ve loved to pull them aside and ask them to be present with the company around them. I realized it was pointless.
Answer me this, why show a Facebook live from a concert? The sound is rubbish, the image quality is diabolical & you’re so caught up with filming it you’re missing out on being lost in the moment.
Yet, I’ve seen nothing but constant streams of Facebook lives at concerts, from so many people these last few weeks.
It’s as if our lives must be posted on social media. How about we become present in the moment. How about we surrender to a song & lose ourselves in a moment , put the goddamn phone away during a meal & listen to the conversation taking place right in front of you?
I observed a recent conversation in a group whereby those that were not speaking reached for their phones & disengaged as the subject matter / attention had moved on from them & naturally on to another person / topic.
Have we become so self obsessed that we are only concerned with what we have to say, instead of listening to another’s point of view?
I’ve witnessed on individual stop mid sentence , answer a text message holding everyone around him to ransom then continue unapologetically with the conversation as if nothing had happened!!!! Have basic manners become eroded from this instant gratification culture?
When we become present in the moment, we notice so much. We can connect with our bodies, ascertain our stress levels & gauge our strength levels. The body is always speaking to us, yet we are always rushing, rushing, rushing to stop & LISTEN.
The universe is always listening & will manifest our conscious thoughts into reality, if they are repetitive & strong enough. It does not matter if it’s positive or negative. Thoughts become things…. So what is your inner voice saying to you?
Is your inner critic eroding from within? Are you trusting yourself? Are you happy?
We all have a go to when stress levels are high. For some it’s talking to a friend, listening to music, others going to the gym or playing sport . For me this summer it’s my garden. The act of weeding, planting & watering brings me into my body. I find it incredibly grounding.
What are you doing for yourself this summer? Have you become caught up in a never ending to do list? Are you too busy pleasing everyone else to notice the tiredness in your voice? What can you do in this moment to change that?
We spend so much time thinking about the past & worrying about the future, that we forget this present moment.
Try to be present in yourself & your body today, whether it’s listening to a conversation or eating a meal. See the difference it will make. See how much you notice and if you really want to notice the world around you…..put the phone away for awhile!
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
Just before I stand on stage,
I question every life choice I’ve made that led to this present moment! What was moments ago a sensation of butterflies in my tummy, has amped itself right up to a stampeding herd of elephants! I hear the excited chatter of the audience as they begin to take their seats.
I take a moment to invoke my guides, discuss said life choices with them & build my energy. I step on to the stage and begin.
By the time the intermission has arrived, I have a feel of the room’s energy. Some folk don’t know if they should clap or stay silent etc! Some audiences can join right in! Each audience is different & no two nights are ever the same!
I’m noticing familiar faces and how relaxed they are in the crowd, as the trust they have bestowed in me as a medium to connect with their loved ones has already been established. I’m also noticing how many people are coming solo & by the end of the night end up happily chatting away to the folk seated next to them.
I’m approached by some afterwards & told they had felt strongly pulled to attend. I feel that’s not simply about connecting to a loved one in spirit but also connecting to themselves. The bond of love is one we all share. It is what makes this life bearable.
To be united by these bonds, breaks down barriers. Shields come down & people make connections. All our loved ones in spirit want is for us to be happy. I’m also asked why their loved ones didn’t come through etc.
Sometimes this is simply down to time constraints, as it is a demonstration of mediumship not 1-to-1 readings etc! Your loved ones are always present and can be helping others come through.
I also get a kick out of those who sit at the back, thinking they are safe from getting picked first!!!! I’ve lost count how many times my first link in spirit has been from the back of the room!
I do a meet & greet afterwards. There will always be one or two audience members who stayed silent as I relayed the information on stage, approach me after I’ve been demonstrating for over two hours and expect me to connect 1-to-1 in a middle of a queue….it beggars belief!
There is no point coming up to a medium after a show and asking them to re-connect. If the medium asks you, that’s different…the message could be of a sensitive nature but otherwise it’s not appropriate. I’m usually nearly the last to leave the building!
As I go to bed my heart feels full. It’s moments like this that every fibre in my body sings in harmony with the universe. I know that this is part of my divine life mission. I know what I do may appear to be unusual to the outside observer, but to me it’s very ordinary. It’s simply what I was born to do…..
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
My voting card arrived today. I’m against using abortion as a contraceptive option but I’m pro-choice as it’s none of my goddamn business what you do with your body.
I’ve had close friends who had terminations due to Fatal fetal abnormality & I’ve also sat across from clients traumatized from the degrading experience of traveling abroad for the procedure.
The aggression coming from the No side is palpable. I want the right to have autonomy over my body. No religious group or government should have a say over what I do with my body. The hypocrisy of these so called Christians. First they threw us into Magdalene Laundries for hard labour, then our babies were sold from under us & now we are being shamed because our bodies can’t carry these terminally ill fetuses.
I sometimes wonder….where is your compassion for the mother?
Why force her to carry a little one that will have zero chance of survival outside of the womb just so you can feel good about yourself? If that’s the kind of God you believe in then I want no part of it.
What about her?
What about the traumatizing effect it will have on her for the rest of her life?
It’s all about SHAME.
Us irish are masters of being ashamed. That catholic guilt goes right to our core. Ashamed of being different. Confirming to whatever society / family wanted us to be.
Being laden down with obligation to church, state & society.
What will the Neighbour’s say?
The valley of the squinting windows is now online. You can snoop & sneer on your Neighbour’s profile with your holier than though judgement.
The face burning, toe clenching, stomach dropping feeling of SHAME
Until one woman says
Then another & another, until together we rise. The voices get louder. There will always be those that seek to control you. That tell you to keep your voice down. That will impose their polarizing, patronising patriarchal viewpoints on you.
Have you no shame?
I ask….have you no compassion?
Salvita died because her surgeon’s hands were tied by the 8th. Abolishing it opens up a forum for discussion on terminations in Ireland & the provision for services for women like Salvita.
I’ve heard ignorant viewpoints with more compassion for a several week old fetus than the mother carrying it. Love both? Are you deluded? Where was the love shown to Salvita or to any of the women courageous enough to share their stories with us since the debate began.
Where is the respect for each other’s viewpoints?
We live in a democracy. Folk died to give you the right to vote yes or No. I saw a person post that they won’t be voting as they didn’t know what to vote. Educate yourself!
Do not be complacent that the “yes” vote will be carried. Sadly, this vote has become entangled in extreme religious viewpoints.
I can only go by my conscience.
I have nothing but compassion for every woman effected by the 8th amendment. I will use my vote in the hope that other women will not have to endure the suffering you all went through. Salvita’s name translates as “the saviour”. In her memory I feel thousands of Irish women will be spared the same fate by a yes vote.
“Shame should be reserved for the things we choose to do, not the circumstances that life puts on us”
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
The clock has struck midnight & with it I enter my 41st year.I returned from a wonderful, relaxing family holiday yesterday. It was the first time my entire family were together on holiday since my teenage years. I laughed every day. My sister & I immediately regressed into borrowing each other’s clothes, swiping each other’s cosmetics etc.
My Dad ended up with his own wee gang of friends as he’s such a chatterbox (see where I get it from!) & one lovely lady from Cork said “Age is only a number love, you don’t see the years go by”. She assumed I was upset turning 41.
Thing is I’m grateful that I get to turn 41…
The last few years I’ve seen family pass to spirit, seen clients cross over & every day I connect clients to their loved ones in spirit.
It has given me a sense of perspective, if you will.
I’ve become more aware of how amazing my body is. How much crap it’s put up with. I’ve started to treat it with care. I’ve started to listen to its needs & my energy has started to change dramatically.
I’ve no time for drama.
I say what I have to say. Not in a ballsy IDGAF way, but calmly & assertively speak my truth.
Sadly by doing so I’ve let a lot of friends go. I had sadly attracted a lot of codependent relationships over the years. In my codependent recovery, I began to see how toxic & draining these one-sided “friendships” had become. I now understand what jealousy looks like. I don’t give second chances.
I’ve steered clear of zealous, over ambitious colleagues. Love & light my arse! I now have very few colleagues I would seek professional advice from. Not everyone that smiles at you is your friend or even a helpful colleague. Some see you as simply stepping stones on their path of destroying anything that gets in their way to greatness.
I’ve learned not to dwell in the bitterness of betrayal. Lao Tsu’s words “Before you embark on a journey of Revenge, dig two graves”, has been a strict code I’ve adhered to, even unbeknownst to the offending party I had evidence enough to annihilate them…,I chose peace. Begrudgingly at first, then with time & experience…surprisingly quickly.
I’m incredibly careful
With my close circle.
I’ve worked damn hard on family ties.
I’ve learned to say sorry.
I’ve learned to accept an apology. I’ve also learned when to cut ties & be done.
I’ve learned to accept my flaws.
I’ve also learned the other people’s opinions of me is none of my business.
I don’t care what you think of me.
I don’t need to be liked or accepted. I laughed out loud yesterday as my two black cats followed me down my street & into my house I said aloud “it’s time to get the villagers with their torches out!”
I get sick of the copycats….yes you…creeping on my profile…not liking on any post but happily swiping my content for your page….I’m grateful for you too! You’ve taught me to be more creative, more original & less complacent. Those that have demanded I answer their requests, questioned my integrity & have no sense of propriety I say thank you. You made me stronger, sharper &
I’ve learned to set healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. Period.
Being the Mum of a teenager has taught me patience…..the ability to discuss difficult issues & be able to LISTEN.
I know someone reading this now, will have someone they love that has recently passed or is about to pass to spirit. I send you love.
The fact that I’m here to welcome my 41st year on this planet is an honour. Some of my darkest moments have turned out to be my greatest teachers. In truly surrendering to my own darkness could I finally see the light. In embracing my path, could I truly help others find their way.
So I feel incredibly humble, very lucky & grateful I’m here on this blue planet that’s hurtling through space, writing words that are bounced off satellites for you to read on a tiny portable device wherever you are on this beautiful earth…….Thank you for being a part of my journey, my lessons & my life
P.s There is an active fundraiser on my page for The Irish Cancer Society. I would be deeply grateful if you would be so kind to contribute. Thank you x
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
As the years go by, so do the lessons. They come in various guises. Some arrive as close friendships only to reveal betrayal’s underbelly as the Teacher; Others enter as passionate love affairs that break apart on the seas of trust. Bereavement can attack your core values & belief system.
Wisdom comes in many forms. We may not realize the lesson until many years later & be grateful for that painful Pearl it revealed. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learnt. I hope they help you, make you smile as you see your own lessons mirrored Their-in or help you in the middle of your current life lesson: Firstly,
* Learn to come from a place of non reactivity. We ALL have issues, everyone is fighting an invisible battle with some current lesson moving through their life. Remember that before you react. * If you can count your blessings & friends on the one hand you’re doing well.
* Don’t allow betrayal to make you bitter. Learn the lesson and move on. Don’t take your past into your present. There are good people in the world.
* Most folk are too busy worrying about themselves to give a flying monkeys what you are doing with your life. * Trust your gut.
It truly never lies.
* when you ignore the above, try not to beat the crap out of yourself, but acknowledge the gift of hindsight & TRUST YOUR GUT next time! * Treat yourself! You are worth it!
* If you wouldn’t say it to a person’s face don’t post it online.
* If you would say it to a person’s face, let it pass through the Buddha’s 3 gates.Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?
* Stay away from Toxic people & gossips. He who gossips to you will gossip about you. There are no exceptions. * Don’t gossip. Allow the salacious whispers to die with you. * No is a perfect full sentence.
* Your time is valuable. Only gift it to those that are worthy.
* Look after your health. Our bodies are truly amazing & can take so much abuse. You will never realise how precious it is until it’s taken from you. * Set healthy boundaries with Everyone in your life.
* You might think you’re great company but don’t overstay your welcome in a person’s home.
* When visiting bring a small gift or token of appreciation for your host. Also send a card of thanks after attending a party. It truly is appreciated.
* Send that Mass card. Go to a removal. Death is a part of life. Families appreciate the support.
* Don’t leave it until someone dies to meet up with old friends/ family members. Lift the phone.
* Appreciate your parents. Learn from them. Call them. Never again will you have two people so completely in your corner. (If your parents were toxic, learn how not to parent & look after your mental health).
* A healthy ambition is good, but do not allow it to take over your life. Cultivate hobbies & interests outside of work.
* Teenagers need space. They also need a lot of love. Keep giving hugs. Get used to swearing under your breath!
* Animals are earth angels. If you have a pet you get it! We need to protect them & give them a voice in the world.
* Let your friends be there for you in times of trial. As it’s the quickest way to find out who your true friends are.
* Be wary of strangers who tell you their entire life story upon meeting them. Hold on to your personal space. These people just want to dump on you! Avoid at all costs!
* Look after your mental health. There will come a time in your life where you will face mental anguish. Talk. Reach out. In some cases seek professional help. Your beautiful heart deserves all the help it can get. * Diets don’t work. Healthy eating & exercise does. Your welcome….!
* Drink water. Your skin is your bodies largest organ. The difference it makes is shocking! * Laugh. Often & with whomever or whatever makes you chuckle!
* Music is truly balm for the soul. Rough day? Blare your Power tunes! There’s a song for every situation. If you feel a cloud descending…….! * Carry tissues! They will always come in handy!
* Make plans! Whether it be for a holiday, a concert or a longed for night out. Give yourself something to look forward to.
* Learn about other cultures. It truly is fascinating how amazing the world is. It also helps to broaden your views. * Travel. See the world if you can. See above!
* Volunteer. Seek a charity close to your heart. Donate. Rescue. Your life will change for the better I promise. Here’s a secret I will let you in on….you get back much more than you give when you volunteer. You truly make a difference in another’s life. * Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or tell you what you can or can’t do. * Believe in yourself.
* Be kind. Always.
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
There’s currently a turf war ensuing between a family of blue tits & one cheeky sparrow in my back garden. I’ve called him Rambo. He’s taken on my Robins & I’ve seen him hopping around a stray starling!
However when the flock of starlings arrive he’s no where to be seen! Koda is none too impressed with the sight of 20 starlings twittering away on my lilac tree!
He started to give abuse to them…at first they flew away. Now they couldn’t care less!
I simply Love feeding the birds. I Bought another seed feeder today specifically for song birds.
One of my beliefs are that birds can do the bidding of spirit, it always makes me smile when I get an image of a robin from spirit for a client & unbeknownst to them…an actual robin is behind them on my windowsill!
We are so connected to our loved ones in spirit. They never stop trying to give us signs. It’s usually our feathered friends that are more than happy to help. There’s usually an energy connected. You feel your tummy, you sense a presence or you simply KNOW it’s them. Cynics & skeptics can rip apart such a sacred moment so be careful who you choose to share your visitation with. I could write a book on the amount of amazing stories I’ve been told about Robins. They are such characters. My singers love the blackbirds. My characters use the lone magpie. The Ravens for the mystics & Swallows for those connected with the earth etc…
Today Two seagulls appeared outside. Very unusual. Again I took it as a sign, as soon I will be traveling! I always give silent blessings to the Beauty & simplicity of spirit. You are so loved….more than you will ever know.
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
In Awe of Mná…
Since I wrote the piece last Wednesday, I’ve been contacted by so many survivors of sexual abuse, I also had clients privately discuss their horrific experiences with me. Women who had been triggered by the verdict & the horrific undertones it implied.
The truth is we are not having enough conversations about consent. The criminal justice system needs an overhaul in the way a rape case is tried due to the intimate & graphic nature of the crime. The statistics on women coming forward to report rapes are shocking. Less then 10% of women. Then a further 10% of that 10% leads to an actual conviction. These figures are from the rape crisis centre which would also admit that these findings are over ten years old as no recent survey has been done on sexual crime in Ireland in the last decade.
We need men to stand with us in solidarity, to speak out & be counted. There is a confusion among some that this movement is anti- men.
Let me be clear, this movement is anti- misogynistic, anti- patriarchal & anti sexist.
As women we also need to look at our pre-conceived judgements that we may be consciously or unconsciously projecting onto women who are raped.
In all my years writing pieces on Facebook I’ve never had to block so many or had my own personal / spiritual views attacked….by other women.
This mentality of….”she went on her own to that party…She must of led him on. She probably woke up & was mortified so decided to cry rape to save face.”
Trust me…no woman cries rape to save face. The harrowing accounts I’ve read & listened to in the last week, has given me a frightening insight into how brutal the criminal justice system is on rape victims. It’s incredibly difficult to get a conviction & if you’re “lucky” enough that your rapist pleads guilty you will be spared the stand, if not what follows…..well we’ve all had an insight into that gruelling process over the last few months. We need to support each other. We need to start listening.
There needs to be healthy conversations around sex & consent. This country is coming of age. We need to finally shake the shackles of Shame around sexual pleasure. That is women, enjoy sex. That we can discuss pleasure with our partners & not feel awkward. We need to be having conversations about feeling ready to have sex with a new partner.
If you’re not Irish you will not understand the massive hang up this country has around it. Centuries of Catholic guilt coupled with a government that aided & abetted a culture of repression on every aspect of a women’s basic human rights. My entire life’s purpose has been built around empowering men & women. As this skewed system Also has repressed Men’s mental health. Qualities such as sensitivity & compassion were viewed as a weakness. Men could not talk about their feelings for fear of being judged as somehow being lesser. Even to go to a therapist was seen as being somehow weak in character. Is it any wonder Ireland have such high suicide rates in young adult males.
We couldn’t approach each other without having enough alcohol in our systems as we did not possess the emotional intelligence to articulate our feelings. Women were meant to be chaste, ‘good girls’ don’t go to house parties with strangers.
Our attitudes are two tiered. If a man sleeps around, he’s admired. A woman is a slut. There is no bad language / label for a promiscuous man. We will be here all day if we get started on the derogatory terms for a promiscuous woman…
The Rape crisis centre in Dublin has received over €25K in donations since last Wednesday.
All of us, men & women- society are coming together to effect change. Survivors you are the warriors who are leading the way. The stories you have shared this last week have changed me profoundly as a person. I have examined my own prejudices, I’ve had awkward conversations, I’ve challenged preconceptions. There is toxic femininity as well as toxic masculinity.
I’ve heard personal accounts this week of a very drunk young woman being left by her friends as she “wasn’t their problem”. Luckily a young man who knew her came to her aid to get her home safely.
The point is we need to charter these seas of uncertainty together. We need to discuss what feels right, for our bodies & our minds. We need to rise from the mire of presumption. In order to truly listen, We must first start using our voices to speak..
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri
Woman across Ireland today are despondent & downhearted after yesterday’s verdict. I’ve been unfriended several times on Facebook, as well intentioned folk have explained the law has ruled …bla bla bla.
A not guilty verdict does not mean innocent. I’ve watched tempers flare (my own included!), and every patronising patriarchal attitude rear its ugly head in the aftermath.
As women we are taught from an early age, always go out with a group, don’t be on your own, be careful how you dress. We try not to draw attention to ourselves, try & smile it away as some creep leers at us….in case we provoke him. Submissiveness is not compliance. If you were mugged in the street a judge wouldn’t question you handing your wallet over, for the thief would have your wallet & if you’re lucky you get to live to tell the tale by complying with their demands. Yet, when a woman is raped she has to prove she fought, she screamed. Thankfully in the Republic of Ireland submission isn’t seen like this.
Have you ever frozen in terror? Have you ever walked down an alley for a shortcut to realise you’ve isolated yourself as your heart begins to pound, you quicken your step & as you step into safety you mentally check yourself for taking such a “careless risk”. Women do this all the time. We mentally check what we’re wearing, we don’t want to bring the “wrong kind of attention” our way. When we do wear what we want, other women can be just as vicious in their condemnation. “Did you see the get up of her? She’s ASKING FOR IT”.
I don’t care how you dress. No woman ever wants to be raped. No woman wants to see her knickers handed around a courtroom or listen to the most vile texts from absolute scumbags.
I’m not posting this to get into another argument, I’m weary. As a woman who has seen scandal after scandal in the last few years I’m sick to my back fucking teeth of the patriarchy. I’m tired of being nice. I’ve no more patience with a system that has a massive gender imbalance. Pay gaps still exist. Blatant sexism is still rampant in certain workplaces. Female comedians don’t get booked to support Male acts in case people think they are a couple. Watch the brilliant Maeve Higgins call out Des Bishop on his podcast on his sexism toward her.
Across the Atlantic Harvey Weinstein systematically raped women and used the legal system to his advantage to silence them.
Mary McAleese called out the misogynistic Catholic Church and their attitude to the divine feminine.
The #metoo movement is uniting women across the world and in Ireland the #IBelieveher is uniting us Irish women. God forbid we voice our opinion. We are told we are hysterical. It’s much bigger than the Ulster case. It’s about believing women when they say they have been raped. For those who lie about being raped are in the smallest minority. To be a mother of a teenage daughter in this age of social media shame culture. It is so pervasive. To be in a society where women are still seen as a piece of meat. We need our good men to stand with us. Fathers to educate their sons on how to treat a woman. Mothers to guide their sons on what is acceptable behaviour.
Toxic masculinity; I’m hearing this phrase a lot in the last few weeks. This sense of entitlement. My blood is boiling at those texts. I could cry tears of anger reading them. You calmly tell me the court has made its decision. You don’t get it.
Us women face this bullshit on an ongoing basis. We fight for equality that our voices will be heard. We are standing together in greater numbers. Women stood together across the country today outside courtrooms to say #Ibelieveher , some groups were very small, others had hundreds. We are standing to say, we are sisters. We hear you, we see you and we stand with you. If you have ever been abused, raped , assaulted we believe you. You are worthy. You are enough. You are a fucking queen to go through what you went through & are still here fighting. There’s many a woman that ended her life, rather then the Shame of a court case. We are currently fighting to have a right to have autonomy over our bodies. No more.
I’m fighting. I’m speaking. I’m shouting. I’m standing up for the women who have lost their voices. Together we will be heard. United with good men by our side we will have equality with our menfolk. The divine feminine has been all but erased from history. She is the wise woman that was driven from her village, the sooth sayer with herbal remedies, the medicine woman. The time of reckoning has begun. We are the daughters of the witches you didn’t burn. Patriarchy your time is up.
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri