24 October, 2017 08:41

My heart physically hurt today as I connected with a broken heart. The sitter’s loved ones in spirit showed me the agony she was in & I had to ask spirit to step back as the intensity was overwhelming. The pain of walking away, even though you are still in love with this person but you know deep down they are not for you. How many of us have stayed, wanting to believe they will change, yet as time passes the realisation that this is who they truly are, the person you fell in love with was the illusion.

The mental purgatory we commit ourselves to. The endless what if scenarios replaying constantly in your mind.
If yours was an unrequited love, you suffer silently. Wondering was it all in your head, did you mis-read the signs? Why weren’t you good enough to be their lover but your friendship “meant the world” to them….?
What the actual fuck is that even supposed to mean.
The sting of rejection. The shame of unworthiness. The anger of time wasted. The sorrow of loss.

Thing is, we can be guilty of projecting what we want to see on a new lover. Overlooking those character flaws (with excuses), and only focusing on the noble traits we want to see.
Those red flags is your intuition telling you there’s an iceberg ahead!
As a woman you don’t want to be perceived as nagging, judgemental or bitchy. So you temper your remarks, and compensate behaviours such as overtipping the waitress after an arrogant remark on his part, or pretending not to hear a jibe at your appearance.
We make allowances for their wounded soul. Possessive behaviour is rationalised as trust issues etc. Mind games, silent treatment is excused by his father’s abuse etc.

Hurt people, hurt – people.

Another weapon has been added to the errant lover’s arsenal – social media.
Posting check ins, selfies with strangers , passive aggressive inspirational quotes, statuses that announce how HAPPY you are….
There is one intention behind this and it is to wound. It’s cruel & spiteful.
If you are currently doing this to get back at an ex just in case they are creeping on your profile…..grow up!
It’s Facebook – I know some friends that would give CSI a run for their money with how they can unearth information, and that’s just someone they fancy never mind an ex…..
If I have a client that has recently split up , I immediately tell them to do a digital detox for 6 weeks. Get that phone / tablet out of your bedroom for starters. Focus on your mental Health.
Talk. Cry. Get out in nature. Get some sleep. Repeat if necessary!

Time is a great healer. As the benefit of hindsight will add a much needed salve on bloodied pride. We are given the gift of perspective, that is if we haven’t been blinded by bitterness.
When we finally can look away from that closed door and dust ourselves down, pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and glue them back together gently; another door opens.
To love is to be vulnerable. You cannot be open to love if your terrified of what’s behind the door. Move slowly, but keep walking one front in front of the other. Do not stay in this barren place, it holds the promise of nothingness. An eternity on the couch, of dumbed down numbness, the safety of seclusion…love does not grow here. Apathy resides here.
Keep hope in your heart & know that love will always find you exactly where you’re at…..

©Fiona Ní Mhuirri

By Fiona Faery

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