Gossip is juicy.It falsely elevates us to a social standing above the target in question. “I mean her windows haven’t been washed in over a month…..how can she see out of them!”
It’s intention is to direct scorn & shame upon an individual.
The valley of the squinting windows is alive and well today, and as a woman there is a hierarchy we are all too aware of in our local village/ town.
Gossip contains needles of spite.
True, you may be sick of the fact your Neighbour’s garden is in a hoop, but did you stop to think what’s going on with your neighbour? Has there been a recent bereavement, is there mental health issues? Sometimes it can be personal issues in someone’s life & the exterior mirrors the emotional chaos in your Neighbour’s life.
What if you offered to mow their lawn? Would the world fall off its’ axis? (And don’t use that as another opportunity to gossip ffs!)
Gossip has its uses. At a grassroots levels it raises awareness & keeps us connected to our communities. We are aware of the helpers as well as the bad apples so to speak.
At a toxic level, it can isolate & intimidate. An example of this were the Magdalene laundry’s where entire communities were complacent in the shaming & subsequent institutionalizing of so called “fallen” women.
The Salem witch trials fell foul under the fear & repression of being singled out as different from your community. We pass the blame from one to another, desperately trying to avoid the unforgiving gaze of our peers.
(Someone should be ringing a bell, shouting SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!)
Instead of standing up and saying,
You’re very pass remarkable….
I don’t pass on Gossip…
If I don’t hear it I can’t say it!
Gossip needs Oxegen. It cannot survive without a carrier. So in essence being an ‘innocent’ bystander makes you complicit. You are complicit in standing there while someone’s character is being slandered. In my opinion that’s makes you just as bad as the actual gossip. Next time you’re about to partake in the “who didn’t put there bins out today” rant or “her curtains are still drawn at 10 am” hiss…
Think about the energy you are redirecting toward yourself.
You passive aggressives are the worst. Smiling & offering help, then telling anyone who will listen how helpful you were…
He who gossips to you will gossip about you.
There is an old Buddhist story of two monks……
They had taken a vow of silence , celibacy (no contact whatsoever with women) & poverty. They lived a simple life & were on their way to a temple in another village to pay respects to a visiting holy man.
As they came to the outskirts of their village, there path was blocked by the river. The recent monsoon had raised the water levels, crossing it took skill & sure footedness.
There was a woman in distress at the banks, for she had tried and failed to cross several times.
One of the monks, without saying anything. Picked up the woman and carried her safely across to the other side, where he gently put her down & continued on his way to the monastery.
The other monk was furious.
They continued on in silence, but with each step the monk’s frustration grew until he could no longer stand it, he blurted out”
Why did you do it? You know we are forbidden to have any contact with women?”
The other monk looked at him and spoke” all I did was carry her to the other side, you’ve been carrying her ever since….”
To put it simply..
MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!!!!
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri