Despondency is defined as a loss of spirit or courage. Feeling disconnected from source. The light at the end of that tunnel has been switched off. Hope evaporates. People can let you down.
It is only natural to sink into despair. Our souls are weary from holding space for those that are not worthy. We literally feel as if the well has run dry & we literally have nothing left to give. A friend in the midst of this heaviness once said to me , “Fiona I’m so ready to go home to spirit, if I didn’t wake tomorrow I would be ok with that”. This person had absolutely no intention of taking their life for one second, they were verbalising how physically, emotions & spiritually exhausted they felt.
When you are despondent your energy is spent. Your motivation has left you.
Sometimes illness enters as you have spent so long pleasing everyone else & ignoring the warning signs your body had been sending you.
Your health that you once took for granted has now become your single greatest struggle. You find out who is there for you pretty fast, when you no longer have the strength or energy to people please. Those that leave you in your hour of need, are not your friends. This might be painful to hear but takers will always take. It’s not a two way source of exchange, hence your energy being consistently drained. If you have been projecting a sense of integrity on to those that lack this virtue, is it any wonder you are completely exhausted?
A rage can fill your body.
A pulsating, visceral destructive force that wants to lash out at the source of your pain. When you internalise anger, the body stores it & it will manifest as a form of dis-ease within the body. I’ve had countless amounts of client’s sit in front of me with mystery diagnosis where their bloods / x-rays / tests came back clear, yet they were physically ill. In most cases the client had endured some grief / heartbreak / trauma that had been repressed as they were too busy to deal with it at the time, only to manifest years later. Toxic pain can squat in your body like a toad & Spread its poisonous bile into your thoughts, hopes & dreams.
You start to become pessimistic, sarcastic & wary of people. You no longer believe in the goodness or kindness of strangers. Everybody has an angle or agenda. Sadly, that is what you will start to attract in your life, hence reinforcing your twisted belief system even further.
You need to distance yourself from the source of your pain. If it is family, go no contact to dissolve the raw emotion. If it is a child / teenager causing the issues contact the appropriate support systems & seek professional help.
It is time to stop running and listen to your body.
Destructive cycles of comfort eating / smoking / drinking / impulse buying / hoarding are the dysfunctional defence mechanisms that you revert to when trying to hide from yourself.
We can sink into victimhood with its twin sisters blame & Shame’s endless background commentary running inside our heads.
Happiness is a choice.
You have to fight for it.
When your body is heavy with sorrow & your soul is weary you need to be even more loving with yourself. It’s time to check in with yourself.
If you’ve suffered a betrayal and feel completely alone, know this time is transitory. It shall not last. You need time out to rebuild & restore the soul. You can’t do that with folks still pulling out of your energy.
You need to forgive yourself for putting up with so much crap for so long instead of ridiculing yourself at your “stupidity” for believing in intrinsic values of love, trust & respect. Remember the heart simply wants to be loved. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be seen.
It’s time to make peace with yourself.
This graveyard of despair holds no solace for you. There is no comfort to be found clinging to the bones of old relationships, family or friends that have abandoned you. Cherish the good & learn from the bad.
Even if it’s simply making your bed and going for a walk. It’s a step toward self care that’s important.
Start to incorporate fun into your life. Play your music. Dance. Watch a favourite film. Reconnect with old friends. Take up a hobby & meet new people.
You will start to fill up inside once more. The more time you invest on yourself , the more the universe will find people & situations that will fill you up even more.
You need to let that shit go.
Now is as good a time as any……..
©Fiona Ní Mhuirri