I found myself speaking about forgiveness the other day.
The funny thing about betrayal is, that unless you deal with the emotional pain that follows, Your body absorbs it. Years can go by & the very mention of your betrayers’ name can flare the anger from the depths of hell within you. Triggered is an understatement!
The path to forgiveness is different for all of us. What works for me may not work for you, but I do feel we all agree that time can give us a perspective on life events.
Death can Make us face sobering truths about ourselves & others that beforehand we may have denied.
The real truth about forgiveness is that ultimately you are freeing yourself. You are no longer defined by the event or have your spirit destroyed by another’s indifference to your suffering.
For me personally, I’m at a place where I’m grateful for nearly every single nasty person I’ve encountered. I know now they were teachers. Each lesson revealed itself in many different ways, sometimes taking me years to understand. It was only when I stopped trying to think why such a thing was done or what was that person thinking when they betrayed me etc , that I realized I was attached to their perspective of the situation.
I knew on a higher soul level my soul contract with that person was to teach me lessons on courage , loyalty, patience , boundaries etc.
I began to realize the control past events had on me, how future relationships/ friendships were stained with cynicism. I began to spot familiar patterns play out with the people I attracted into my life. You guessed it….same crap, different day!
I started to look inward instead of outward for the answers. How I could’ve been kinder to myself, instead of beating myself up for not leaving sooner or putting up with shitty friends for so long. As I began to be kinder to myself, a strange thing happened…I found it easier to spot the users! I found it easier to say no, hence filtering the frenemies even quicker! In order to move on, I accepted apologies I never received. I acknowledged the impact the person had on my life, grasped the lesson to my chest and got the hell out off that self imposed purgatory of regret!
I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve been taught, because of them I’m a kinder and much more tolerant person. I get teased about my tolerance with various personalities, but in truth I can spot someone struggling.
In terms of the teachers, Beforehand I would’ve dismissed this person as arrogant or manipulative , now I see them locked in a battle with their ego, punishing themselves hard for the slightest failing…these people are exhausted emotionally & can come across as sharp, rude etc.
They are here to learn lessons too, but sadly in a lot of their cases the ego wins out being fully in the driving seat for most of their lives.
Don’t let yourself be defined by another’s carelessness. Don’t let victimhood ensnare you with it’s martyred talons.
Talk, release the poison from every cell in your body. You may not of had a choice in what happened to you, but you certainly have the power to choose the ending in this chapter. You get to choose what defines you. No one is you and that’s your strength too…
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri