I was talking to a good friend the other night. We were reminiscing about old times and I was going back to the time I first stepped on stage and made my first connection with spirit. I had made a very clear decision that weekend, that if I found no evidence of an afterlife or that I had no ability…I was going to seriously look into my mental health, as my entire life I had felt, heard & knew things before they happened.
I remember my body being used as a pendulum and a gentle ‘push’ forward for a yes and back for a no. I was incredulous as my recipient could take all my information. Years of repressed ability started to pour from me, I could feel how a person died, names & personalities of people in spirit.
After a simple weekend away, I had found my life’s calling.
But here’s the funny thing, as I began to learn how spirit worked with me, I also learned how our ego is a real active force. How our thoughts can shape our realities. The ego grows alongside the soul during your lifetime…to commit to mastering it, you must join a monastery or nunnery, as all distractions need to be eliminated from your life.
For in the real world,
Bills have to be paid, chores have to be completed , kids have to be washed and work has to be done!
We wouldn’t get out of bed if it wasn’t for the ego! The ego makes us get into the shower, choose our clothes, it fuels our ambitions & desires (& our tempers!).
It helps us set healthy boundaries in our lives. In balance, it works harmoniously with the soul.
When it falls out of balance, it uses it’s master weapon fear to permeate your thoughts. Jealousy of another’s success, greed for more then your neighbour, vengeance on those perceived slights on you and so on….
Ever have a really satisfying bitching session? That’s your ego lashing out to make another appear small while you feel superior..
There’s usually a deeper issue going on under the surface. It could be a trait you admire about the person or you’ve been triggered in some way by them, sometimes perhaps these negative traits were in that person all along and you decided to take it personally.
When I find myself getting angry,
I have learned to sit with my anger. My anger wants to lash out, my soul wants to understand. Underneath my anger is confusion, and sometimes under the confusion is fear or sadness…
Two weeks ago, I had another conversation with another, about fraudulent readers. It made my blood boil. Several Individuals I knew through personal experiences, down through the years that lacked any form of personal , never mind professional integrity.
I was informed about even more of their transgressions and was horrified. The conversation was in the strictest of confidence and will remain so, but I found myself shaking my head at such blatant crooks.
I could feel myself being pulled into the dumps of disillusionment. Trust me…every medium goes through this every once in a while.
You find yourself wondering what’s the point? You do your best and utter swindlers are out there doing Facebook lives with ten times the amount of followers and giving the hard sell that makes my teeth stand on edge..
I. Just. Can’t.
A sense of hopelessness overwhelmed me. (Usually brought on by certain full moons..this time it was bang on schedule).
Thankfully I had some time off coming up and there was a definite sense of divine timing, as I got a call in the middle of the night to inform me a loved one had been rushed to hospital.
Nothing like a sense of perspective from the universe. As I was brought into a private family room, familiar faces greeted me, aunt’s, uncles, cousins…
I felt very calm, so I knew my loved one would be ok…but In those moments you doubt yourself. I had been feeling funny for the past few days and as the week progressed it began to make sense to me. ( my loved one is on the road to recovery now).
There are strong women in my family and I’m blessed to have aunts who are like big sisters to me as I’m the eldest grandchild.
Last week was all about family as I got to spend a lot of it with my immediate family.
Old memories recounted, meals shared, tears of laughter!
Everything else I was annoyed about before vanished, as it meant nothing….simply an illusion of fear my ego decide to occupy my time with. I could feel my sense of purpose returning. The joy and the honour of serving spirit. The kick I get out of reading cards! The gratitude for getting to do what I love for a living.
But most importantly it does not define me. I am not defined by it.
I am defined by the people I love and the ability to give & receive love in this lifetime.
I’m responsible for my karma in this lifetime not anyone else’s. I intend to stay in my lane and work on bettering myself, but am so grateful for this divine insight into the bigger picture…..
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri